Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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