well I can't set my house on fire every night
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Randomize
