the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
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