Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I just saw a hot homeless man
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
