I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
