Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
