I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
