If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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