Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Randomize
