she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
