Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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