i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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