if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
