Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
