Just fell off a train. Bad.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
