Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
