also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
and you fell through a lawn chair
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
