Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
she smelled like a LAN party
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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