I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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