so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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