rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
