my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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