Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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