My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
