this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize