Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
