I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
