he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
