hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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