im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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