I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
