Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
