i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
