my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The Olympian is in my bed
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
