where am i from again
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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