Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
they're like a gay fantastic four
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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