Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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