i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Your cock deserves a montage
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
