that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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