That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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