I just pynch a tree in the face
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize