You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize