Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
