No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize