Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
