so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize