i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
