So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The power of my boobs compel you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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