I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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