there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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