grandma shit on top of the toilet
Fuck appropriateness.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I believe in your delicious
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
