I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
