i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
