it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Randomize
