In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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