Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize