they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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