Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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