hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize