It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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