The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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