I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize