It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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