Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
