I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We got so high we made milksteak
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
