Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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