i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
