I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I could make wine with my vomit
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Everything about him screamed your future.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Randomize
